


pink + white

by mngokdy



Series: blonded life [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, College, Love, M/M, fight, fluff kinda, insecurites, jaehyun and doyoung love each other, mention of taeyong and johnny, through their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 17:10:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17666687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mngokdy/pseuds/mngokdy
Summary: after that fateful night, jaehyun and doyoung spend their life together. they truly wouldn't have it any other way.





	pink + white

**Author's Note:**

> there are random pov changes and the ending might be a little rushed, sorry! this can be read alone, but i would recommend reading "be yourself." in order to understand some small parts.

**an unofficial one month**

it had been one month since doyoung and jaehyun had first met, and life was good for the both of them. a week after they met, they had gone to hang out, and doyoung didn’t know he could feel so happy from just hanging out with a boy he had barely met. they had gone to a local coffee shop next to their campus and doyoung still cringes about how cliche their first proper meeting was. despite it being one of the most cliche things he has ever had to encounter, he felt better than he had in months. from the beginning he liked jaehyun, not in a romantic way, but he felt a childlike kind of excitement when he was with the younger boy.

the two of them often hung out and they had become great friends. but now, doyoung knows he feels different. along with the childlike excitement, he feels butterflies stir within him whenever he sees jaehyun. now that he knows jaehyun better, he knows that he is more than his good looks. jaehyun is simply amazing in every way. doyoung loves the way jaehyun’s dimples show when he makes a horrid joke or the way his eyes light up whenever they are talking about an interesting topic. he loves it all. however, doyoung is fairly certain that him and jaehyun would never be in a relationship. doyoung doesn’t fully believe that jaehyun is over taeyong, but he can’t blame him. taeyong was jaehyun’s proper first love, that doesn’t fade away so easily. he tries not to be too affectionate with jaehyun, scared that he’ll make jaehyun uncomfortable and scare him off.

doyoung lets out a sigh as he sits on his bed. all of these thoughts are plaguing his mind and he doesn’t what to do about his unrequited crush. doyoung fiddles with his fingers as he sits and wallows. he knows that this is a sad thing to be wallowing over, but he can’t help himself, he is captivated by jaehyun. he looks out of his window and notices that night has fallen over his campus and thinks that he should go to his little lookout spot. he debates inviting jaehyun, but remembers that he wants to get the boy out of his mind. a knock on his door pulls him out of his wallowing state and reluctantly gets out of his bed. he doesn’t know who it could be. it could be ten, his roommate and sadly his best friend, or it could be jaehyun, the boy who he thought was absolutely stunning. both options seemed horrid and braced himself for the worst.

as doyoung opened the door, the first thing he saw was a tall boy with dimple craters that could rival the moon’s. “doie!” jaehyun excitedly said with a bright smile as doyoung fully opened the door. doyoung could only laugh at jaehyun’s expression because doyoung thought jaehyun literally looked like the ‘:D’ emoticon, it was adorable. doyoung gave jaehyun a little wave and let him into his dorm. “what’s going on?” doyoung asked. he didn’t know that jaehyun would be coming by today and this made him uneasy. “hmmm, nothing. i just wanted to see you today,” jaehyun said, still smiling. doyoung lets out a chuckle, “it’s no longer day, jae.” jaehyun gives him a nod of acknowledgment, “well, i still wanted to see you. do you want to go to the lookout spot?” jaehyun looked at doyoung with a pout and doyoung knew he couldn’t say no. doyoung lets out a brief sigh, knowing that his plans of being sad were ruined. he gives him a nod and gets a sweater, then they were gone.

while walking, they were making small conversation and really just said anything that came to their minds. as the two of them made their way to the bench, doyoung couldn’t help but want to hold jaehyun’s hand. from the first time that doyoung was able to see jaehyun’s hands, he thought that they were so pretty. jaehyun’s fingers were long and his hands overall were just a tad bit bigger than doyoung’s. doyoung thought they were perfect, just like everything else about him. doyoung shook his head, as if it would rid himself of thoughts of his crush. as the two of them reached their bench and sat down to look at the city, doyoung couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. just a month ago, doyoung had met someone so amazing, someone he wanted in his life, friends or in a relationship. on their first meeting, the two of them were awkward. they sat a few feet apart and struggled to begin their conversation. but now, doyoung and jaehyun were sitting so much closer, they were practically touching. doyoung wanted to touch jaehyun. he wanted to love jaehyun. he wanted to be with jaehyun. doyoung wanted jaehyun to put his sweet lips on his own, they should be kissing, but doyoung knew his boundaries.

although they had only been friends for a month, jaehyun and doyoung knew each other quite well. jaehyun was able to see the inner turmoil his friend was in and wondered if he should comment on it. jaehyun didn’t want his friend to feel bad while they were hanging out, he could not allow that! he also didn’t want him to feel bad, especially because he thought so highly of doyoung.

unknown to the both of them, they had both caught feelings for one another. the two of them sat together, in a comforting silence, none of them wanted to disrupt it. jaehyun felt his hands shake and doyoung felt his heart beating out of his chest. the two of them were oblivious, blinded by their own insecurities. jaehyun was still trying to recover from what taeyong said to him and doyoung never felt good enough, especially when it came to pretty boys. luckily, jaehyun was tired. he was tired of pretending like these feelings didn’t exist. he loved the way doyoung made him feel. tonight, jaehyun had one goal: he was going to confess to doyoung. “dongyoung.” doyoung looked to his right to look at jaehyun, wondering why the younger had called him. it concerned him for a second. jaehyun never called doyoung by his full name. “yeah?” doyoung asked, trying not to let his nervousness show. looking at jaehyun, he could tell something was off. jaehyun seemed nervous and his hands were shaking, this made doyoung’s heart speed up more.

jaehyun cleared his throat and tried to collect himself. he could do this. he had faith that he could get his feelings across and if it didn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. he would be fine with being friends, he just didn’t want to let this opportunity go to waste. jaehyun let out a shaky breath before he started his confession, “kim dongyoung, i need to tell you something. this might be a bit surprising, but please just let me finish before you cut me off with whatever you want to say. i like you, dongyoung. i like you a lot. you’re different than anyone i have ever met. you are straightforward and you love to take care of the people around you. you don’t really like contact, but you still let me hug you whenever i want to. you aren’t very good at conveying how you feel, but i know you well enough to know all of your subtle tells. your eyes tell a different story than your words do. being with you is so easy, you make everything so wonderful. aside from your personality, you are so beautiful. your gummy smile and loud laugh can never fail to make me feel better. you are just so beautiful. i love being with you during the day because i can see you so clearly, but at night, you are something else. at night, when the moon light reflects off of your skin, i feel myself falling harder. i’m sorry that i just sprung this upon you, but i was tired of pretending that these feelings don’t exist. if you don’t feel the same, then i understand and we could pretend that this never happened and we can stay friends. but, if you do feel the same way, do you think that we have a chance?”

doyoung stared at jaehyun, he just stared. he was trying to comprehend everything that jaehyun had just told him. he was happy, but he was also scared. he didn’t want to be jaehyun’s rebound, he wanted jaehyun to like him for him. he had a feeling that he did, but there would always be that small piece of doubt. regardless of the inner turmoil, doyoung felt his eyes start to well up with tears. jaehyun saw them and immediately went to doyoung’s side to try and cheer him up. doyoung let out a little chuckle when he saw the concern on jaehyun’s face, it made him feel warm. jaehyun had opened his mouth to try and tell doyoung not to feel bad for jaehyun and that he would get over his crush, but he was cut off.

“jung yoonoh, i have something i need to tell you. i like you, a lot. you are everything i want. like you said, i’m not good with conveying how i feel, but for you, for you i will try. we have only known each other for a month, but when i’m with you, i just feel so amazing. when i get to see you, my heart starts beating so fast. you are so kind. you always make sure that i am doing well and always making sure that i’m not stressing myself out over what i’m writing. you are so funny. you tell me so many bad jokes, but they never fail to make me smile. it’s sad, i am a writer, but i can’t express my own emotions well. if i could, i would write you so many pages on how much you mean to me. i would write about how you have changed my life for the better. i would write about how the first time we met was not the best time. even though i can’t properly tell you how i feel, i know one thing: i haven’t felt this way in years. i want to go to sleep in your arms and i want to wake up next to you. i want to see the early sun rays coming through my curtains and painting you with shadows and light. you are absolutely stunning, everything about you is stunning. god, i like you so much, yoonoh. we do have to change one thing though, all of these important firsts need to stop being so cliche. first, we hung out in a coffee shop and now we’re confessing where we first met. i am tired.”

this time, it was jaehyun’s turn to be surprised. he had no idea that doyoung had felt the same way that jaehyun did. jaehyun felt himself smile and he looked at doyoung. not knowing what boundaries they had, jaehyun didn’t want to kiss him, not yet. he wanted to wait for their first proper date. so, jaehyun settled for the next best thing. he scooted himself right next to doyoung and wrapped his arms around him. doyoung completed the hug and they sat there in silence, feeling the unsaid affection swell around them. it was too early to say if they had fallen in love, but they knew that the feelings they had for one another were very strong.

**official six months**

“i’m sorry! how many times do i need to say it?” jaehyun asked doyoung. currently, doyoung and jaehyun were having their first lovers’ spat. it had been six months since doyoung and jaehyun had confessed their feelings for one another, and this fight was a long time coming.

“your words don’t mean anything if you don’t mean them, jaehyun. i already know that you think i’m overreacting, but you know how important this was to me” doyoung said, rubbing his eyes, he was tired. doyoung was currently seventy-five percent done with his last year of college and jaehyun was in his third. doyoung had a very important assignment due and tried telling jaehyun that, but jaehyun wanted cuddles and kisses, doyoung couldn’t deny him. doyoung knew that this was partially his fault for not standing his ground, but he was angry. doyoung ended up rushing his assignment and got an eighty percent on it. while an eighty is good, great even, doyoung had high standards. he was a straight ‘a’ student, this was not good enough for him.

the two of them were in doyoung’s dorm, luckily ten wasn’t there, so they let all of their pent up anger out. “you could’ve said no to me! i would’ve understood, i’m not as fragile as you think i am! i can take it when someone says they are busy,” jaehyun argued, he didn’t want to fight, it hurt his heart. “even if i did tell you ‘no’, you would still be around me and trying to get my attention! i can’t focus with you around, you distract me!” doyoung yelled, silence and tension filled the room. doyoung had immediately regretted what he said. jaehyun was a distraction, but he was a good one! he loved jaehyun, he wanted him around.

“jae-” “don’t bother, doyoung. i get it. i’m a distraction, i’m annoying, i’m a nuisance. i’ll leave you alone so you can do your schoolwork. i’m not surprised, taeyong said he got tired of me. why wouldn’t you?” jaehyun rebutted, with tears in his eyes. jaehyun quickly walked to the door and didn’t look back. doyoung was left alone. he stood in the middle of his dorm and let tears fall from his eyes. he should’ve ran after jaehyun, he shouldn’t have let him leave so easily. he never wanted to hurt jaehyun’s feelings, but everything is his fault. his parents’ divorce was his fault and now he can’t even have a proper relationship because of his big mouth and horrible way with words. he wanted to explain to jaehyun that he was in love with him, but jaehyun was gone now. doyoung slowly walked to his room and collapsed on his bed. doyoung let himself cry. he let himself release everything that he had been holding within him. he missed jaehyun. he felt horrible. while he was crying, he didn’t hear the door to his dorm open. “doyoung?” his head bolted up when he heard the voice. it was ten and he did not want him to see him in this state. he quickly wiped away his tears and lightly slapped his cheeks to snap himself out of his depressive state. ten walked into doyoung’s room and despite all of doyoung’s efforts, ten saw through them.

“doyoung, what happened?” ten inquired as he stared at doyoung from the doorway. doyoung collapsed on his bed again and left space for ten to sit. “jaehyun and i got in a fight and i said something stupid” doyoung said, regret filling his voice. ten let out a sigh and sat down next to doyoung, and he started to run his fingers through doyoung’s hair. ten didn’t say anything and doyoung knew it was because he needed more information to go off of, but he didn’t want to pry. after a few minutes, doyoung explained everything to ten and felt so much worse.

“alright dongyoung, i need you to listen to me. i know that right now you feel absolutely horrible about what you said, and you should because what you said wasn’t good. however, i also know that you didn’t mean it in a bad way, you just suck with your words and feelings. give him a few hours and go to him. try getting him food or a gift to show that you’re sorry. explain to him what you meant, he’ll forgive you, i know he will. also, i know that you’re feeling very insecure, but just know that you didn’t ruin anything. you aren’t the cause of any downfall. i love you, doyoung. just remember to give him a few hours and go over to his dorm and apologize.” doyoung looked at his best friend and started crying more. he was so thankful to have ten in his life. he knew that if he didn’t have him around then doyoung would be an even bigger mess, if that was even possible. doyoung flipped on his back and opened his arms for ten to crawl into, he just wanted a hug. they laid together on doyoung’s bed for a little bit, but then doyoung knew what he had to do. he had to tell jaehyun that he loved him and apologize in as many different way that he could think of.

within the next few hours, doyoung scrambled around and got himself mentally prepared for what was to come. doyoung had prepared some peaches and other small items for jaehyun once he apologized, they were all sentimental things and doyoung felt confident about what was to come. once he apologized at jaehyun’s dorm, he was then going to take him to their lookout spot and tell him that he loved him. doyoung always complained about cliches, but he secretly adored them. as time passed and the sun was beginning to set, he knew that this was when he should apologize. doyoung made his way to jaehyun’s dorm and felt his anxiety eating away at him. doyoung started to second guess himself and wondered if he should even confess his love to jaehyun. does jaehyun love him back? is he even sure that this is love? doyoung was confused, but felt like he needed to make it up to jaehyun. jaehyun took the first leap forward with their relationship and now it was doyoung’s turn.

doyoung had finally approached jaehyun’s dorm and took a deep breath. he had the bag of goodies in his hand and a smile on his face, he was ready. he knocked on the door and was happy to see jaehyun behind it. his smile faltered a little when he saw that his hair was a little messy and he had red eyes. he knew that he caused that, but he tried to not let it get to him. he wanted to be happy. jaehyun stared at doyong for a second and slammed the door shut. doyoung stood there in shock, he wasn’t expecting jaehyun to slam the door on him. he knew that he was mean in their argument, but he wanted to make it up. he let out a sigh, “well, that was it, i guess.” he felt his heart get heavy and he felt his smile fall from his face. he looked at the bag with disgust and put it down in front of the door. if jaehyun wasn’t going to take doyoung then he could at least take the goods that doyoung bought for him. he looked at the door one last time and left. he didn’t want to go back to his own dorm so he went to the only other place he knew, the place where he first met jaehyun, the special lookout spot.

“dude, what did i tell you about slamming the door?” sicheng asked jaehyun as he walked out of his room. jaehyun felt his chest clench and his eyes water again. sicheng looked at him and knew something was wrong, again. “what happened?” sicheng asked. jaehyun let out a little sigh, “doyoung was at the door and i’m not ready to see him.”

sicheng stared at him and didn’t say anything, but could feel rage start to bubble within him. “so you fucking slammed the door on him? do you think that he felt good about what he said earlier? he probably swallowed his pride and came to apologize for everything. i can’t believe you, jaehyun! i can’t believe that you actually slammed the door on your boyfriend, the boy that you are in love with,” sicheng said with anger. while he thought what doyoung said was wrong, he understood him. he knows that doyoung didn’t mean to hurt jaehyun’s feelings and he’s bad with his words. sicheng is the same way, but jaehyun isn’t. jaehyun didn’t see doyoung’s point of view. jaehyun stared at sicheng in shock, he never yelled. jaehyun knows that sicheng is tired now and he felt bad. jaehyun let out a small pout and looked at sicheng. “i’m sorry for being a bother about this. it just hurt to hear that from him,” jaehyun tried to reason. “i know it hurt to hear, but you’re not thinking about him. you’re oblivious to how he looks at you. he looks at you like you hung up stars in the sky just for him. open the door and see if he’s still there, let him talk,” sicheng told him with a stern voice. jaehyun let out a breath and went back to the door. when he opened it, doyoung wasn’t there anymore. all that was there was a bag full of all of jaehyun’s favourite treats and other small things that jaehyun likes. now jaehyun felt absolutely horrible and he wanted to cry more. he potentially just pushed away the only boy that will ever ~~love~~ like him. he felt his chest get tight and he felt so crushed. sicheng saw that doyoung wasn’t there anymore and took a sharp intake of breath. “go find him, jaehyun. the two of you have a lot to talk about,” sicheng said with a soft voice. he didn’t want his best friend to hurt anymore nor did he want doyoung to hurt.

doyoung sat on the same bench that he always did, except now it felt different. he was alone on that bench for the first time in so long and he didn’t like it. doyoung sat with his knees tucked to his chest, he thought he looked like a pouting five year old, but he didn’t care. he was hurt. he was going to confess to jaehyun that he was in love with him, but instead he got met with a door. maybe he and jaehyun weren’t meant to be together. maybe he wasn’t meant to be with anyone. all doyoung did was hurt people, he knew that. he let tears fall from his eyes as he felt all the pain of the day come back to him. he missed jaehyun’s warmth, it felt cold without him. looking at the city didn’t feel the same. he couldn’t see the moon tonight, there were too many clouds. everything felt so wrong, everything seemed so bleak. doyoung kept trying to wipe his eyes, but nothing was helping and more tears kept falling. as he was crying and wallowing, he didn’t hear the footsteps approaching him.

“dongyoung.” a voice snapped doyoung out of his thoughts and he saw jaehyun standing there. he didn’t know what to do. he didn’t know if he should leave and let jaehyun have the bench, jaehyun was the one that found it first, it was only fair. with that thought in mind, doyoung untucked his legs and slowly stood up and cleared his throat, “you can stay here. i’ll leave and find somewhere else.” he tried giving jaehyun a small smile and started to walk away. jaehyun felt his heart break apart when he saw the attempt of a smile doyoung gave him. it wasn’t the smile that he fell in love with, it didn’t reach his eyes. it didn’t mask the sadness that flooded doyoung’s eyes. what doyoung said struck him the most. doyoung really thought that jaehyun was done with him. he made doyoung feel even more insecure about himself, he hated that. before doyoung could get any farther, jaehyun ran after him and wrapped his arms around doyoung. doyoung stopped in his tracks and let jaehyun hold him. the two stood for a few minutes before jaehyun turned doyoung around to face him. again, jaehyun couldn’t help but notice the muted light from the moon that shone on doyoung. the moon illuminated all of doyoung’s features; however, it wasn't the same as before. with the moon covered, doyoung's face was illuminated with a very dull and sad light. however, from his red and bitten lips, his slightly swollen and red eyes, and to his red nose, jaehyun thought he was perfect. “yoonoh.” usually jaehyun would like it when doyoung called him by his given name, but when he sounded so broken and small, he hated it.

“w-what are you doing? let go of me” doyoung said, feeling himself getting choked up again. jaehyun simply shook his head and pouted. he brought doyoung closer and hugged him tight, he didn’t want to let go, not again. hopefully doyoung would be able to understand that jaehyun didn’t want to give up on doyoung. doyoung slowly started to relish in the warmth that jaehyun gave him. he didn’t know how much longer he would have the warmth so he hesitantly wrapped his arms around jaehyun. doyoung buried his face into jaehyun’s neck and tried to stop anymore tears from shedding. he felt content for the first time that day, he felt better. “i’m sorry,” doyoung started, “i’m sorry for everything. i’m sorry for calling you a distraction. i didn’t mean it in a negative way. you are a distraction, but a great one. you help me forget about the crappy days i have. i don’t know if that makes it any better, but i’m still sorry. i don’t want to hurt your feelings. i don’t want to make you cry.”

jaehyun took in everything doyoung had to say. he didn’t want to speak yet, he didn’t trust his voice. he wanted to let doyoung know he understood, so he simply held him tighter. it felt so good to have him in his arms again, he never wanted to lose this feeling. “i’m sorry, too. i should’ve known that you didn’t mean it like that,” before he could continue, he felt doyoung’s head shake in disagreement, “hey, don’t interrupt me when i’m being sappy. i’m sorry for slamming the door on you, you didn’t deserve that. it took a lot for you to come to me and to buy me all the gifts, but i just slammed the door on you,” jaehyun finished, pulling away from doyoung to look at his face. “i kind of did deser-” doyoung’s rebuttal was cut off by jaehyun’s lips on his own. he missed the way jaehyun’s lips molded onto his own, as if they were made for him. jaehyun pulled him in closer again and doyoung let him. the two continued to kiss, basking in the now emerging bright moonlight that shone on them. the kisses they gave were sweet and full of love. even though none of them had said it yet, they knew that it was there. in between kisses, doyoung knew it was time. he disconnected his lips from jaehyun’s, already missing the feeling. his lips were hovering over jaehyun’s and he felt jaehyun’s breath gracing his lips. “i love you,” doyoung whispered, not sure if it was loud enough. doyoung wanted to avoid all eye contact, but knew he couldn’t cower from this. he looked at jaehyun’s eyes and saw an emotion in them, one he’d never seen. he saw love. he saw raw, unadulterated love. jaehyun leaned down to kiss doyoung one more time and then pulled back. “i love you, doyoung.”

**two years**

doyoung was sitting in their shared apartment and was reminiscing. doyoung always smiles whenever he thinks about his and jaehyun’s past. the two of them had great times together, times he would never forget. doyoung and jaehyun had graduated already. each time they graduated, they simply spent the day together and didn’t do anything special, they didn’t need to. having each other to celebrate was enough in itself. jaehyun is currently working with sicheng on their own business and it was surprisingly going smooth. jaehyun did the finance part of everything and sicheng did the business aspects, it was working. doyoung was currently waiting tables and was working on writing his own book. he was struggling, but it was slowly coming along.

the two of them now lived together and couldn’t be happier with everything. although it was somewhat hectic, they wouldn’t change anything they had. throughout the two years that they were together, they had so many great times. they couldn’t share their actual firsts with each other, but what they did together will always outshine their actual firsts. with a smile on his face, he began to remember everything. from their first date, their first kiss, the first time they made love, the first time they had a sleepover, the first time they met each other’s parents, he remembered everything. doyoung was twenty four, but he was sure that he wanted to spend his forever with jaehyun. he wanted to live with jaehyun, forever. he didn’t want anyone or anything else.

doyoung perked up when he heard the door open, signifying that jaehyun was home. jaehyun stepped into the apartment and saw doyoung sitting on the couch and felt himself smile, he would never get tired of seeing doyoung. jaehyun couldn’t believe that someone so amazing was still in his life. he wasn’t worried about doyoung leaving him, he wasn’t worried about anything.

greeting doyoung with a quick kiss and a simple ‘hello’, he went to their room and quickly changed. when he came back to the living room he plopped down right next to doyoung and wrapped his arms around his abdomen. he relished in feeling doyoung’s warmth through his shirt and knowing that doyoung was there with him. it was easy fro jaehyun to get lost in doyoung, he thought that he was perfect. the two of them sat together in a comfortable silence, letting their love radiate among them. soon enough they got off of their couch and went cooked dinner together. it was a horribly domestic scene, but the two of them couldn’t care less.

as the night got later and the sky got darker, the two of them knew that they had to get ready for bed and brace for the next day. they quickly got ready to sleep and climbed into bed together, immediately latching onto one another. doyoung was tucked underneath jaehyun’s chin, jaehyun had his arms wrapped around doyoung, and their legs were tangled together; they were truly in love. none of them wanted to be apart and they want to lose any warmth. before drifting off to sleep, the two had always whispered sweet words to each other and talked about their plans for the upcoming day. they gave each other kisses and gave each other light squeezes. before they finally drift off to sleep, both of their faces have small smiles on their faces and relish in the love that they share. jaehyun and doyoung drift off to sleep, hoping to dream of one another.

they hope to never stop feeling the overwhelming amount of love they had for one another, even in their moments of unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, the ending was definitely rushed, but this was getting too long. anyways, i hope you enjoyed! thank you for reading! and yes, frank ocean played a big part for this series. pink + white seems like it symbolizes a pink peach and a white bunny and i love it
> 
> follow me on twitter for exo, nct, and shinee content!  
> @bludks


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